Close, But No Cigar: Take II


I swear. I miss the days in New York where a cabby’s time was respected. None of this lollygagging on the side of the road. You hail us down, get in, tell us where ya wanna go, and we take ya there. But no. These California peoples are all the same. 

They make you wait forever before they get inside.

This couple is no different. It’s like they’re sharing their freakin’ life stories or something. I’m not a patient guy, and as my time is actually money, every second counts. Good thing the meter’s running. I’m not losing a dime on these yappers.

I honk the horn to grab their attention and they both slide in. Great. Now I get to listen to the sappy conversation. “Oh, look at me. I’m so frazzled and cute. Give me a break. Girls like that are a dime a dozen back home. And that guy? Mr. Fancy Business Suit? Please. At least get the suit tailored.

Heh. Well, let’s see if we can make this ride a little interesting. At least I’ll have something to tell the daughter about. She’s a sucka for a good romance. I take a sharp corner, hoping to have one of them hit their heads, but no. Mr. Fancy Suit has to be a gentleman. I look in the rearview mirror and see his arms wrapped around her. For apparently just meeting this morning, he moves quick!

I can’t drive fast enough, it seems. I look at the clock and can’t believe I’ve only been driving with these two for five minutes. Where has my life gone? Another minute and three dollas later and they’ve hit the part of the relationship where they talk about their past lovers.

Oh, poor guy. Got an awesome job and lost his girl because of it. Yeah, she must have been a real winna. I finally pull up to the first stop and can’t be more thankful to whoever’s up there in the sky. I don’t think I could listen another minute of that sappy, lovey-dovey crap. I miss the emotionless moguls I used to drive around. Those were my kind of people.

“Twenty-six, please,” I say to them before they exit. Gotta get that money. And what do you know? Mr. Chivalry pulls out his wallet and covers the meter. I pull out of there as soon as I can. I’m all about happy, but when it’s so sappy, I don’t want nothin’ to do with it.

If I wanted to see that, I’d go to the movies.


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