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These mixed signals have gotten me all confused. At first, it was a simple, innocent friendship that we let blossom over the past decade. I was happy with how things were. You talked to me all the time, you saw me for me, flaws and quirks and all. I didn’t need more than that.
And then you had to go and kiss me.
Our dynamic changed so quickly that my head is still spinning. How you so easily carved a place for yourself in my mind and heart. I will never understand. But I guess that’s love. You fall fast, you fall hard, and sometimes, you fall flat on your face. What started out so sweet and carefree turned into a jealous, malicious environment. The accusations, the lies, the hurtful words never stopped.
So I left.
But once I was gone, there was a hole where you used to be. No amount of drinks, boys, or trips could fill that void. Moving on is impossible. What we had was deeper than I thought. I knew you so well, like the back of my hand, but I should have seen that coming. You were always possessive and stood up for me when we were just friends.
I know I will always love you.
And that may be a problem. I see you every week, and its always with a different girl on your arm. it makes me think that you’re hurting just as much as I am. And it breaks my heart. Our eyes still meet across the bar, and I see in your eyes that soft compassion that you used to have back when we first met. I want that version of you back in my life.
But I’ll leave it up to you.
I don’t want to assume anything or pressure you into something that I may be imagining in my head. I miss my best friend. I miss my deepest love. I write you this letter to show you where I’m at. I know I left you and didn’t try working our issues out. And that’s on me. I just wish this letter speaks to the part of you that I love and miss.
– Forever Yours
Life's Unfiltered Ramblings 